New me

Finally managed to get back onto my account, been 2 months. I finally seem to be picking myself up from the low I got myself into and the support I needed has come for the most unexpected places and I have to agree that something do happen for a reason that are for the best. 

So I decided a few days ago that I'm fed up of letting people get to me and trying to control my life. 

First thing dying my hair from blonde to brunette, I love it! 

I know its only a little thing but I figure start small and then the rest can follow. This week will be first time I show off my new hair and get back to the happy person I used to be. 

Next step starting back dancing, have missed it so much. Can't wait for Tuesday to be here and spend some time with my new friends. 


As well as bonfire night on friday it meant another year passes since cancer got the better on my friend, but i think this is the perfect night for people to get together and remember the lose of a great person while watching fireworks. Gone but never forgotten. 

End of weekend...

So end of the weekend and its been up and down. I feel better than yesterday even though nothing has changed since my last post. The guy I was seeing still wants us to be friends with benefits but at least I know where I stand now. Spent the day chilling out in my room with music and its helped release the stress. 


Why is it also the guys that you can't have that are so perfect for you?? My mate lives too far away to have a relationship with but he is literally the guy I would go for. He calls be beautiful and always there to listen to me when I'm having a bad day and cheer me up. Can't wait till the next time we actually get to meet up face to face seems so far away right now though. 


I've decided this week will be better, only 1 week till I head back to uni and start afresh. New house, see my girls, freedom...sort out any lose ends. The week ahead looks busy...have work to do, people to meet up with, time on my own which I am loving right now, packing to be started. 


Quote I found today: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. Reba McEntire

Rant

OMG can't believe what he's just said to me...
So been actually seeing a guy for just over a month now, we knew each other before but finally decided to get together just over a month ago. Every thing had been going good until he had to go away for 10 days as he had go to and do some coaching. He's been really quiet and complaining about the amount of time we're had to have a proper conversation as if it my fault. He was the one that had to go away and was busy so we couldn't talk, I excepted this as couldn't be helped as he was busy. Then today he comes out with "I don't know if I want a relationship" which is fair enough, we always said we would take it slowly and at the end of the day I'd not long been out of a relationship so was happy just to take it slowly as I liked him but wanted to have some time to recover from my break up. He was the one that wanted us to be officially in a relationship.
But then he went on to say but I still want us to carry on the way we are just not to be in a relationship! So basically fuck buddies when he wants me to be there!!!


Sorry just needed to get it out my system as annoyed me

Another day

So today started really well, workmates birthday so had little celebration at work. Cake, messing around :D Had family meal to go to so was really looking forward to the evening as well. Thought things were finally getting better and back on track at last. 

Then get home to find the guy I was seeing has left me a message saying how much he'd miss me as he had been away trying to sort out new flat so hadn't been around to talk to as so busy. Finally thought we were back on track as had been a bit rocky with both of us stressed about moving into new houses for uni. But then he comes online and is acting really off with me and having a go at me about how I hadn't been making an effort to talk. So confused right now as to what he wants and doesn't help with the ex wanting to meet up with me which I know will not go down well. Had to leave the conversation as needed to go out for meal with the family and now he won't even answer the phone to me to try and sort things out :( And I really don't want to go to sleep without sorted things out with him.

So is now getting to the end of the day and for what started so well has now seemed to have gone downhill. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day :)

1st Post

I have seen people on SecretZen doing blogs and i read them and thought would do one. SecretZen has help me through the years as its make me realise that I'm not alone.This is one of the first secrets I made and since then the responses and support i've had from people has been amazing. 

So today found out that by ex cheated on me which is the reason he broke up with me. And now he wants to meet up with me to explain what happened and sort things out. I don't know what to do cause he meant so much to me but I obviously didn't to him. Doesn't help I have his ex before me trying to talk to me, telling me about what he has "supposely" been saying about me, he warned me she might try and stir things up between us but what if she's telling me the truth.